Warrior Legacy FoundationLeave No Man’s Behind
It’s the beginning of the end of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” and as many in the military are bracing for a new generation of openly gay Americans serving in the military, I have received some emails asking me what the current “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy includes. Well instead of getting into the boring details… allow me to give you examples of what the policy frowns upon.
To set the record straight (no pun intended) I have complied this list:
You May Be in Violation of The Military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Policy If….”
You don’t know what Bivouac-ing means but it sounds deliciously decadent
You question aloud in the platoon CP why there are so few Barbra Streisand based cadences
You pile atop your friends and claim you, “heard another mortar”
You have used the “Sergeant, I was just practicing CPR when the Kenny Chesney song started playing” four times this month to your leadership
You issue a packing list for a 30 day field problem that includes: four pairs of socks, 2 uniforms, Deet repellent, CK1 cologne, mosquito netting
You recommend to command the following measures you personally wish to implement in efforts to make your unit more efficient: 1. Shuttle bus from motor pool to barracks, 2. rotating arm’s room NCOIC and 3. personal hygiene, should now be communal hygiene
You believe there should be a Global War on Khakis
Have to be told more than once that the Army does NOT use KY jelly for bolt carrier lubrication
You just reenlisted in the Coast Guard for six more years
During a training mission you think taking the “high ground” means not wanting to pick a fight with Dennis even though he knew full well you told him you hated Cantonese take out
In a muster formation before PT you give the report of “Second Squad: two men on leave, one on sick call and one reeling from the loss of Andre on Project Runway.”
You ask S4 if they can order you soy based MRE milk shakes
Military Times questionnaire comes out asking what your dream MRE would be you answer with: “CPL Grimes”
Start letter writing campaign requesting that the chaplain puts Nair in all care packages sent to the infantry
Are infuriated that more men are not motivated for battle by watching Steel Magnolias before a mission
Are formally counseled for writing on your Abram’s gun tube with chalk, “Silence=death”
The only ribbon you wear on your uniform is your service ribbon
Have requested a Congressional Investigation as to why cuticle related injuries are not covered as disability
You put in a request to have a vanity mirror put in your MRAP’s sun visor
Would be totally pumped if Army issued glasses that had blue tint to them
Battle Drill Nine: Enter and Clear a Neiman Marcus on Labor Day Half off Sale
Believe real counter-terrorism operations begin in the wardrobe
It’s just simply time for the military to clean up its communication gaps!
http://bit.ly/9YNli3
(satire)
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You might be in violation if you honestly thought “The Village People” were real sailors.
You might be in violation if you emphasis the back half of shipMATE when talking.
You might be in violation if you keep asking your shipmates to come and check out your seaBAG on the poop deck.
You might be in violation if you keep asking the Bosun’s Mates why they don’t carry any teal, aqua, or salmon trim color in the paint locker.
You might be in violation if your favorite compartment onboard is the “head” because you just luuuuv than name…….
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If you show up to formation and are embarassed that everyone is wearing the same outfit.
You hope that the person who is doing situps with you has cut the liner out of his pt shorts.
You max the pt test everytime you take it, chew copenhagen, give the worst ass chewings in the batalion, and you first name is Jennifer.
You spent your deployment guarding the chow hall…(they just pissed me off a lot).
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Very funny post. I give it three and a half erect weenies out of four.
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Instead of answering every radio transmission with “copy, roger,” or “wilco,” you use the term “fabulous!”
Your callsign is “Saucy Six”
You think a “Dog Tag” is a clandestine maneuver
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Hey, is that photo of Rudy, from 1st Marine Recon Battalion, and of “Generation Kill” fame? Looks like him.
One of the most hilarious scenes I have ever seen is the scene in Generation Kill where Rudy is suiting up for a run, in Kuwait, and the guys are taking video of him and talking about making “gay porn”.
The real Rudy played himself in the movie
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Good Job on the articles you have here, thank you for putting your time into it!
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