Author Archive

Last week the American Academy of Pediatrics issued a report requesting — among other things — that the hot dog be redesigned.  As tempting as it is to make fun of this — don’t worry, I’ll get to it in a few paragraphs — the hot dog is the leading cause of food-related choking...
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Days monitored: February 26 – March 4, 2010 Number of Tweets: 17 Selected Favorites: Movie Titles: Army of Darkness should have been called Medieval Dead Movie Titles: Stealing Harvard should have been called IvyLegal* Movie Titles: Girl, Interrupted should have been called Gir Movie Titles: The Perfect Storm should have been called on account of rain Bass-playing ampersand dies. Legendary pop...
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Have you seen this? As it turns out, this is the sort of thing that pisses fans off.  Who knew?  (Apparently, not Yoko.)  Sean was quick to defend his mother’s honor on Twitter, claiming that she did it not for the money, but rather to “keep Dad in public consciousness.” What with the dismal...
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No matter what the masthead says, a Hipster Douchebag can’t be all about hate and cynicism.  That gets boring and predictable.  With this in mind, I’m starting a new regular feature: Hipster Douchebag Loves…”  In the future, you can expect an intense focus on a specific item or artist, but for now, I’m just...
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It looks like the greatest mystery in pop music history has been solved.  Since its release in 1972, people have wondered who Carly Simon was talking about in her hit “You’re So Vain.”  Was it Warren Beatty? Mick Jagger? Leo Sayer?  (Okay, not Leo Sayer.)  It was like the Boomer version of Who did...
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Best tweets from February 19 – February 25, 2010. Tiger Woods press conference rubbernecking causes record-breaking work stoppage, stock market crash Alexander Haig declares himself in charge of Afterlife Flashdance: If she’s dancing like she’s never danced before, wouldn’t that look horrible? New Credit Card Law Rule #4: new “taste chip” disables card when used to purchase smooth...
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Obadiah Stane — Next time you hire terrorists to kill Tony Stark, make sure that they actually kill him. Speaking of which: if you promised them weapons in exchange for killing Stark, why did they force him into making the very weapons you promised them? (Using significantly inferior materials, let’s not forget.) Lastly, why...
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Hot off the AP wire: NEW YORK – Patti LaBelle thinks some people shouldn’t be on “American Idol” — and she’s not talking about the contestants. “Some of the judges, I don’t think they’re qualified to even judge,” she said in an interview Wednesday. Apparently, some of these judges haven’t even been to law school.  And one...
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From this morning’s AP wire: LONDON – British cinema chain Odeon will not show Tim Burton’s fantasy adventure “Alice in Wonderland” in Britain, Ireland and Italy because of a dispute over the timing of the film’s DVD release, the company said Tuesday. Odeon objects to Walt Disney Pictures’ decision to leave only 12 weeks between the...
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I’ll spare you the fake article that would go with this.  I don’t think any of us has the strength for that. I leave you, then, with a partial list of groaners.  Feel free to add more in the comments: Honda Solo ChevroLeia Buick Skywalker Admiral PontiAckbar Saabé Nissan Nunb GreedOldsmobile Salacious Hummer IGMC-88 Land Rover Share and Enjoy:
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